Have you ever said something then looked back and thought, "Why did I say that? I was really thinking or feeling something completely different." Then you realize maybe it's because you were trying to meet an expectation that you assumed the other person to have. Then you discovered that they were brave enough to voice what they truly felt... and lo and behold it matched what you were honestly feeling or thinking in the first place? Maybe you've been faced with something tough and so you run to a friend or family member to seek advice when you really already know the answer. Once you get the same answer that was already inside of you from that other person, you leave feeling unwise, weak, embarassed, even "smaller" than before. I've done both of those things...plenty of times. Why?
Insecurity... that's the root of foolishness like that. I, my friends, am insecure. I really wish I could stand up here on my platform and proclaim to be secure in who I am, what I think, and what I believe. But it would be a lie.
I don't want to be insecure anymore. I want to be solid in the Lord. I want to have enough confidence that even though my answer may be different than yours, I'm no less of a person for it. I am smart. I can analyze situations and I don't need someone else to help me figure out complicated issues. I just told a friend of mine, just yesterday, that she needed to dig deeper into the Word and find out what God says about her...who does He say she is?...I clearly need to take my own advice. Everytime I feel like I overcome this battle with insecurity, I allow it to sneak back in.
Enough is enough...
I want to be myself. There are so few I can really be myself with. My Daddy knows me though. I think He and I will have another chat on the drive home.