Monday, December 14, 2009

Being Myself

Have you ever said something then looked back and thought, "Why did I say that? I was really thinking or feeling something completely different." Then you realize maybe it's because you were trying to meet an expectation that you assumed the other person to have. Then you discovered that they were brave enough to voice what they truly felt... and lo and behold it matched what you were honestly feeling or thinking in the first place? Maybe you've been faced with something tough and so you run to a friend or family member to seek advice when you really already know the answer. Once you get the same answer that was already inside of you from that other person, you leave feeling unwise, weak, embarassed, even "smaller" than before. I've done both of those things...plenty of times. Why?

Insecurity... that's the root of foolishness like that. I, my friends, am insecure. I really wish I could stand up here on my platform and proclaim to be secure in who I am, what I think, and what I believe. But it would be a lie.

I don't want to be insecure anymore. I want to be solid in the Lord. I want to have enough confidence that even though my answer may be different than yours, I'm no less of a person for it. I am smart. I can analyze situations and I don't need someone else to help me figure out complicated issues. I just told a friend of mine, just yesterday, that she needed to dig deeper into the Word and find out what God says about her...who does He say she is?...I clearly need to take my own advice. Everytime I feel like I overcome this battle with insecurity, I allow it to sneak back in.

Enough is enough...

I want to be myself. There are so few I can really be myself with. My Daddy knows me though. I think He and I will have another chat on the drive home.

Thursday, December 10, 2009


Battle. That's the only word for it. We are fighting in a spiritual battle. Ephesians 6:12 tells us, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Even better, here's the Message bible translation (I love this!) This is Ephesians 6:10-12 "...God is strong, and He wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels."

I heard someone say yesterday that a warrior is someone that is constantly engaged in battle. That statement was not intended to be a spiritual one, but as a Child of God, I grabbed ahold of it and made it my own. After looking at the raging battles all around me, I realized that we are all called to be Kingdom Warriors. I must use those well-made weapons given to me by my Father to fight the enemy. In Joshua 14:11, he says "I am still as strong today as the day Moses sent me out; I'm just as vigorous to go out to battle now as I was then." That my friends is what it means to be a warrior. We must not ever lose heart. We must not ever stop. We must be alert and be ready to go toe-to-toe with the enemy...and win. We know we win the war...but today, are we winning the battle?

I look around me and see so many wounded that aren't winning the battle. They have no vigor left within them. They are weak. My heart breaks for them. I can be a lifeline for them. I can stand beside them and fight like there's no tomorrow. But at the end of the day, the fact still remains that they've got to fight as well. How do you tell a spiritually dead man to stand up and fight? "With what", they ask. Hopelessness sets in and they do not believe that victory can be obtained. They've been fighting so long and they're so tired; they no longer care that they're losing and they give up. Such sadness settles over me when this happens. I also get a bad case of holy anger. I'm so tired of the enemy winning battle after battle.

We must be warriors. Warriors like Joshua that many years from now can honestly say, "You know what, I'm still strong. I'm still vigorous. I'm using those powerful weapons my Master gave me when I surrendered my life to Him." And oh how wonderful those weapons are. We can't fight naked, as my friend Steve says. We've got a mighty armor that has been given to us. We have tremendous power and authority. We have provision. We have honor. We have the Word of God that cuts like a two-edged sword. "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soual and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12) We have an arsenal fit for a King...because it's ordained and anointed by our King. Each "piece" was designed by Him. These weapons are flawless and powerful. But they do us no good if we leave them sitting on the table and run out to battle like a bunch of fools.

The battle cannot be avoided. It comes to us, whether we want it or not. Just ask the marriage that's falling apart. I bet neither of them really wanted to fight that battle. Just ask the parents that have just been told their baby has cancer. They didn't go looking for that battle. Ask the 36-year-old mother of two that has followed God her entire life if she was looking for that breast cancer diagnosis she received. The answer will be "no". The enemy roams around looking for someone to devour. (I Peter 5:8) If was do not have the warrior mentality. If we are not alert, watching for him. If we become spiritually weak, because we're not spend time with our Lord and sharpening our weapons...we become a prime target. The enemy is crouching at our doors, waiting for us to unlock the door and crack it open. He's ready to fight. A warrior never puts his weapon down. He never stops watching and listening for the enemy. He constantly fights and guards.

Lord God, give us warrior mentalities...

Monday, December 7, 2009

A new year ... A new blog

So this will be my third blog site in the past few years. I start one in the latest and greatest place then it ends up being a flop. So since I've moved my email over to gmail, I thought I would merge my blog over here too. Now, I don't know how faithful I'm going to be to this thing. I did really well for a very long time and then this past year, I took a big nose dive.

I have to say that I'm anxious to get 2009 behind me. Many things happened that have changed our lives, but you know what, we're all the better for them. We've allowed the Lord to grow us through the good, bad and ugly. That's what it's all about, isn't it? Using every opportunity to bring change in our lives is very important. Our pastor has taught is that if you're not growing, you're dying.

May 2010 be a year of more lessons learned, more growing in the Word of God and more love and family time. I'm believing for fresh, new things to take place in our hearts and everyday lives. I'm believing that my hubby is going to get even better in his musical abilities. I'm believing that Reid will continue to get better in school and socially. I'm believing that my Tori is going to continue to grow as a leader and worshiper. I'm believing that I'm going to grow as a teacher and leader, as well. I'm also believing for a new home. The End!