When The Promise Comes To Pass

Last night it finally happened.  The thing that I have longed for for so long.  My hearts cry.  The deep-rooted structure of my existence.  The joy of my heart.  One of the top three reasons I'm alive.  The pay-off...the reward...The Promise. 

For so long I have fought, prayed, fasted, cried, yelled, made hard decisions, bit my tongue, given up only to jump right back in the next day and worked my fingers to the bone to break a generational curse.  A very unfair and unforgiving curse that, if left alone, would/has destroyed lives and relationships.  Not just any relationship.  The relationship between a mother and a daughter.

Everyone has a yearning to be accepted and close to their mother.  No matter how buried under hurt, anger, unforgiveness, pride...whatever the sin...that innate longing is there.  You can try to deny it, ignore it or explain it away...but it's there.  Oh how broken a life is when one believes they are not loved by their mother.  The Lord certainly loves those that feel abandoned, rejected and unloved, but those feelings of abandonment and rejection prevent us from accepting His love.  We tend to believe the lie of the enemy that says, "If your earthly mother doesn't accept and love you, why would a mighty God truly love you?" Oh the downward spiral that can/will come from those dark feelings and beliefs.  You can try to separate yourself from them, but you ultimately wear them like a smothering, heavy, wet, wool coat on a hot summer day. 

Unfortunately, those beliefs often stem from a mother that doesn't know how to effectively love their child because their only example of how to be a mother is the twisted one shown to them by their mother.  I like the John Mayer song that says, "Girls become lovers that turn into mothers, so mothers be good to your daughters too."  That song reminds me that I'm teaching my own daughter how to be a woman-of-God, friend, wife and mother.  Any hurts, unhealthy characteristics or generational curses that I have battled must stop with me.

I'm blessed that I have a mother who identified curses passed down through our bloodlines and began breaking them.  Her determination to battle the enemy and break those curses has made it easier for me to make the decision to continue her work.  Yes, I believe that she can begin breaking those curses, but I have to choose to continue walking in freedom of that curse.  Sin crouches at our door.  It is always ready to pounce on us.  Therefore, a generational curse continuously crouches at our doors...waiting, hoping, scheming for when we let our guard down.  Many times I have let me guard down.  Too many times I chose to walk in the curse.  Sometimes I didn't realize I was doing it until it was too late...carelessness will get you every time.  We have to be so intentional with our lives, our thoughts, our words, our actions.

It is when we become intentional that we begin to see God's promises fulfilled in our lives.  The promise that if we raise our children the right way, when they are older they will not depart from it.  The promise that a Godly heritage will be passed down for a thousand generations.  The promise of prosperity, love, peace, joy, protection, hope, etc. when we love and obey the Lord.  Then there are the personal promises that are just for you and yours.  Those sweet promises that He whispers in your ear when you sit at His feet.  Oh the sweetness of the day when the Lord fulfills His promise to you.  Oh the tears of relief and joy that flow. 

At last, the fervent prayers of this righteous woman have been answered.  The curse has been broken.  My sweet daughter proclaimed, "I am thankful for the close relationship I have with my Mom and Dad."  She knows that I love her!  She is the apple of my eye.  My beautiful little Sweet Pea.  My lovely Song Bird.  A wonderful combination of me and Richard.  A very loving and caring young woman with a heart of gold.  A daughter of the Most High King. 

Now...I guard that promise...for the enemy wants to destroy it.  Unfortunately for him, I am a lot like David.  I have pursued what is rightfully mine.  Not only have I taken back my relationship with Tori, I'm here to collect a lot more. 



Very Random Comments

Has it really been over a month since I was here last?  Wow, time is flying by way too fast.  We are quickly approaching the holidays..and I'm just now starting my Christmas Music Concerto.  I'm way behind!

I can't say that I've got some profound block of text to type up here.  I'm known as the Queen of Randomness, so I'll just put down a few random thoughts.

• I've done two ladies encounter retreats this year and instead of being tired...I want more!
• I've been missing friends that have moved off A LOT here lately.  Why God?  Why can't they stay right here with me?
• I'm reading Christian fiction again after refusing to read it because it steals away my time in the Word.  I'm teetering on the edge of having to remove it from my house once again. :(
• I still follow several children with terminal illnesses through Coles Foundation.  There's this one father that is hopelessly lost and I want more than anything to show him the only true source of hope.
• I'm still believing for several families in my life to receive Christ.  Lord help me continue to be salt and light.  I will not give up...you hear me?  I will not give up.  I will knock until there's a hole in that door.  I will plead until the angels have to carry me out of the throne room because I've been there so long. :) (Yes, I know that would never happen.  In fact, He's wanting to know why I'm not praying more.)
• I'm so stinking proud of Reid and Tori.  They are both doing so well in school. AND they are both growing in the Lord.  Reid is showing improvement in wanting to attend church and I sometimes here him singing praise songs in his room.  I love walking in to Tori's room and seeing her reading her bible...I caught her in Titus the other night. What teenager reads Titus? :)
• I continue to battle with getting wrapped up in my own little life, doing my own tasks, keeping my own schedule, etc.  I have to fight to think of others.  That is SO NOT the mind of Christ.
• I'm doing better with memorizing scripture.  I took my struggles with memorization to the Cross.  Amazing how that works. (ha!)  I even have a little spiral book of scripture index cards in my purse.  Ssshhhh....don't tell Jenny.
• The Lord is so dog gone faithful.  I love Him.
• I'm thankful the elections are over.  I'm sick of hearing, "...and I approve this message."  I'm also thankful for Romans 13:1 that reminds us to submit to the authority of the land and that God establishes all of those authorities.   Hhhmmmm...well, I guess I'll be correcting some of my attitudes now...  BTW...that's one of my memory verses.  I didn't even have to look it up...it just came right to me! :)
• I'm working on being thankful for what I have and not focus on what I don't have.
• I must be salt and light where ever I go...

"There Is No Other I Love More Than You"

I always depend upon my husband to introduce me to new music.  I don't always like what he likes, but more times than not I find myself stealing the new CD's from his truck and putting them in my car.  (Ssshhhh...don't tell him...) Not too long ago I got ahold of his Deluge CD.  Great stuff...I highly recommend their "Unshakable" CD! 

So one night, not long ago,  I'm listening to #12 Come In My Courts...my all-time favorite on the CD.  I've listened to this song 101 times in the past...over and over and over again.  (Yes, I'm one of THOSE people!)  When suddenly one line of the song jumps out of the speakers and grabs me by the heart.  The line is, "there is no other I love more than you".

Earlier this year the Lord showed me that I didn't truly believe that He loves me.  I sat in a room full of women watching the Beth Moore simulcast on "So Long Insecurity" and weeped like a baby as He exposed my prideful heart to me.  I couldn't believe the truth He was showing me.  How was it possible?  I had even stood before women and taught about His love.  But the evidence could not be denied.  I was insecure and pridefully felt that His love couldn't possibly cover my multitude of sins.

So here I am, one unsuspecting night, sitting in Rich's truck...listening to my favorite song for the 3rd time in 15 minutes...and there is comes...the line that took my knowledge of His love to another level..."There is no other I love more than you."  "So come, my beloved, come."  "Come in my courts, I am calling you"...(I'm fighting back tears as I type.)  You see, I still had a touch of that pride left.  I still had a smidgen of belief that there were other people that He loved more because...well...they are just better Christians than I am.  You've got Billy Graham, Beth Moore, Peggy Fitzhugh, Dora Eason, Melba Meyers...my list went on.  But He was breaking that mindset that night by telling me "Sweety, I do not love Billy Graham more than I love you.  I love you both the same."  The revelation was water to my soul.

He loves me so much that He calls my name and invites me into His presences.  "if your name isn't known, then it's a very lonely feeling."  ~ A Wind in the Door

My Father knows me by name.  The Maker of the Universe...the Great I AM...knows me and calls me.  He chose me.  There's no denying His love.  I simply want to grow in it....bask in it...

An Honorable 40th Birthday

We are a really fun-loving family that thrives off of joking with one another.  In our family, if we aren't picking on you there's a problem.  However, when I started thinking about Rich's 40th birthday I just couldn't stand the thought of doing the typical over-the-hill, black balloons and RIP tombstone 40th birthday party.  That was not the message I wanted to send to my sweet husband.  His life is far from over.  In fact, as I stated in his invitation, his life is just getting started.  I wanted his party to be a celebration that mirrored what God was saying about him.  I wanted everyone there to see how far he has come over his 40 years.  I wanted everyone there to recognize that "they ain't seen nothin' yet"!  The Lord is growing him, blessing him, and promoting him.  His musical abilities are still increasing.  His wisdom and knowledge continue to blow me away.  His preaching abilities are ever growing.  The anointing of the Holy Spirit continues to flow down over him.  His love for his children holds steady and he continues to refine his skills at being a Godly husband. 

Simply put...he's getting better and better and better.  Not necessarily "getting better with time".  It's just not that simple.  He's getting better because he's crucifying his flesh every day (some times multiple times a day).  He's spending time in the Word.  He's sacrificing selfish ambitions in order to serve within the Body of Christ.  He's loving me like Christ loves the church.  He's a daddy that's there for his kids and for many spiritual kids...it's not always easy when you feel like you're spread thin.  He's making intentional choices to be a man that is full of righteousness, peace and joy.  He's a warrior.  He's a friend.  He's a servant.  He's an amazing man that will not be denied the promises of God.

He is clearly NOT over-the-hill...

So we decided to celebrate his roots.  We threw a big ole' Mexican fiesta.  Sixty of our closests friends came out to honor him.  Had I opened up the party to any and everyone that loves him, I would not have been able to fit them all in the room.  I'm not kidding...he is loved by so many people!  Bryan and Kassie Atwood at The Woodshed catered some great food and I filled in with some side dishes.  I have to give a shout-out to Bryan...the food was great as always!  The sweetest part (no pun intended) is that my sister-in-law, Carolyn, made two homemade Carrot Cakes.  They were oh-so-good!  Kassie had another lady make a homemade German Chocolate Cake and I made a really yummy Blueberry Cream Cake with a Lemon Glaze.  Needless to say, I don't think anyone left the party hungry.  But that's the way we do things.  We want to feed you til you pop.

My friends were so great about chipping in and helping with decorations, serving food, clearing tables and photography.  Jenny worked her bottom off making sure the food stayed stocked on the buffet line.  She graciously helped me serve people.  She helped clean up.  All of that after fighting a 2-year-old at a high school football game for 3 hours and staying up late on Friday night to help decorate.  She's such a trooper.  Then there's Bobby and Melanie which drove 3 1/2 hours after work on Friday, attended the football game, then showed up to help decorate until after midnight.  Bobby saved me from climbing up a really tall ladder (yes, I'm afraid of heights) and Melanie did a great job directing his activities to make sure all of the decorations were just right. Ken and Jenn were also there to help put out tables after a long day at work.  They've got mad set-up and clean-up skills! (They were sooo tired, but came out anyways because they just love us that much!)   I can't forget Steve and Lisa who took pictures and I can't wait to see them!  Steves an amazing photographer and Lisa is really great at putting them together in electronic scrapbooks.  Last but not least, I cannot overlook Matthew and Chelsea.  They were in charge of the "plethura of pinatas" and they delivered!  Not only did they supply enough pinatas to fill up my backseat, they also brought in the best fake mustaches, sombreros and sarapes...oh, and I can't forget the chili pepper beaded necklace.  They showed up decked out in their Mexican costumes and passed out the little mustaches to anyone that would stand still.  All of this after driving 5 1/2 hours to be with us.

To conclude, I have to mention how honored Rich was when he was roasted and toasted by a group of men that are so special to him.  Kohlten, Jerome, Ken, Chris, Bobby, Matthew and my dad.  Every one of them has played an important role in Rich's life and they all hold a very special place in his heart.  I think one of the greatest moments for Rich was when he had the opportunity to publicly honor my grandfather for being such a Godly role model for him.  He and my dad took Rich in like their own grandson/son and loved him and taught him so much.  My children and I get to reap the benefits of them pouring into Rich.  "Thank you" will never be enough.

BTW...The day was rounded off with the first Razorback football game of the season.  It was only fitting that they won the game...in honor of Rich's birthday of course!

Grateful

I've been doing Kelly Minter's Ruth bible study with some really cool chics.  I'm really enjoying it.  Everyone brings their own thoughts and personalities to the study, and the teacher in me hangs on every word they say looking for a point or two that could be used in "growing" a message.

Ruth...what an amazing woman.  I feel as though there have been times in my life that I have walked in her shoes.  Then there are other parts of her life that I could only dream of walking as she did.  Such nobility, integrity...the true virtuous woman.

One thing covered in the study was the word "hesed" which in the Hebrew means kindness.  Some of the questions in the study made me stop and remember (once again) the amount of hesed my hubby has shown me.  According to the world, and the Old Testament, he could have/should have thrown me away.  The way I trampled on his precious heart is sickening to me.  But no matter what I said and did, that man loved me and showed me amazing kindness.  Now I'm no fool.  I know there were times he must have contemplated smothering me in the night or poisoning my soup.  (Thankfully he was far too afraid of prison!)

He has never stopped showing me kindness.  There are times I think he has a bad motive behind what he's saying or doing...when it turns out there is a really logical and selfless reason behind his actions and words. (I hate it when that happens.)  He just never stops.

I'm so grateful for his love, compassion, kindness, gentleness...the list goes on.  He's a great man....and he's MINE  :)

So Many Hats

Several years ago, one of the top 3 women in my life talked about us women wearing so many hats.  She was talking about teaching a message on that topic.  (I think she dreamed she was teaching it, and I'm believing that God-given dream is going to come to pass!)  For some reason that dream has stuck with me all these years.  She's so right.  We run from one thing to the next, all the while changing our hat as we go.  We can go from teacher to mother in 0.1 seconds.  We go from employee to wife in one phone call.  We switch from wife to friend and back to an employee all in a matter of minutes.  We are the "Chief Cook and Bottle Washer".  We are the self-elected plumber when the garbage disposal gets clogged.  We are a counselor in ministry.  We are notorious for balancing our relationships with everyone and then coming up dry in the end because we forgot about ourselves.  We always take the burned toast.

But God made us this way.  Proverbs 31 talks about a virtuous woman that truly wore many hats...and wore them well.  Of course, balance must always come into play.  God didn't call for us to run ourselves into the ground to the point that we become useless.  He makes it clear that the only way we're going to keep going (effectively) and the only way we're going to be able to balance all of those hats is to stay tapped into Him.  When I don't draw from Him on a regular basis, I find myself wanting to fight all of these responsibilities.  I dream of moving away to a private island and living peacefully and leisurely with my family.  Even a big 1,000 acre farm in the middle of nowhere seems appealing.  At least then I could limit my hat wearing to simpler, less stressful hats.  But I know that I wouldn't be fulfilled.  Running away never works anyways.  I would just be running into the arms of a whole other set of problems.  There would be a hurricane on the private island or on the farm I would be required to milk a cow or something.  If nothing else, I would be unfulfilled and fruitless if I only had one or two hats to wear.  The "simple life" comes with a price tag too.
"the sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied." Proverbs 13:4 (NIV)


I don't want to be an ordinary-average-guy gal.  I want my life to mean something.  I want to make a difference in the world.  I want to use up everything the Lord has given me.  I don't want to arrive at the throne room on Judgment Day with my pockets full of spiritual gifts and blessings that I should have used here on Earth.  "But someone who does not know, and then does something wrong, will be punished only lightly. When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required." Luke 12:48 (NLT)  The Lord has clearly entrusted me with much and continues to up the ante.  So I'll just buy a bigger hat rack and continue to do what I know is right and good.


Lord...help me to balance it all.